Meghana.. we like you

This is phenomenal. Wow !Exactly at 7:33PM on a Monday evening , I logged in to my blog and I saw something that made my heart skip a few beats. It sent happy shivers down to , down to my heart, you idiot... aur kidhar nahi! It was a beautiful setting. She was draped in a saree with blue border and strangely the saree had lettering instead of designs. (Curious mind thinking: is it a Sabyasachi creation? No sweety, its a Subhyasachi creation!) She looked beautiful. Yes, we are not talking about Meghana. We are talking about my blog. But Meghana did make it extra beautiful. She is my bloggy's third follower. My lucky number three has Meghana written on my blog! Wow... I am on seventh heaven. (What a statement! iss gharmi mein 3rd floor pe hi jaan jaa rahi hain meri, seventh pe mein zinda bhi rahoongi kya? I guess thats why it is seventh heaven, hain na? you reach the seventh floor and die and you go to heaven!)

Ya, She even commented on the post Master of Minds. I wrote back. She gets a special prize. You don't. This post is dedicated to Meghana for making the remaining of my sour Monday really sweet. Thank you Meghana. We louve you Meghana.

My blog lost its virginity as soon as it was born. At a tender age of 12 days someone visited my blog and stole away her virginity. He is one of my buddies. But that apart, now my blog has been constantly dealing with a lot of clients... hehe. They all come to her. They scrutinize her. They play with her. They enjoy her company. They even laugh because she manages to make them laugh. They say they really like her. They say she is so beautiful that they will follow her. They say that they will hang her photo in their houses because she really deserves that sort of attention. Jhoote kahike! Sab aakar mazza lootkar gaye. Sirf pyari Meghana ne mere bloggy ko sahara diya. Subrato diya. Sirf ussne pyar ka sacha ishar kiya. Mere blog par comment kiya.

She made bloggy's day. Bloggy is going to be forever indebted to her for this. She is the first person to comment on my blog. She said some really good words. How can I ever show how much, it has really made my day.

The 'we' here is my blog. Its letters, some alone , some in groups making beautiful words, some beautiful words making memorable sentences. Of course how can I miss out those punctuations that came alive when Meghana commented on bloggy. They came to life, danced with joy, sang to me , questioned me, excited me and exclaimed in joy. Each atom of my blog wants to thank you Meghana for fulfilling that long cherished dream, of being able to see that my writing not only made people laugh , see, smile, think etc. It made them write back to me on the same platform through which I tried reaching them. Thank you.

Everyday people visited my blog, but none ever commented on anything I wrote. How depressed I would feel. How I would silently pray that atleast one , someone says something. But no one ever did. How much that broke my heart. I was almost chasing this dream. I woke up in the middle of the night and cried over my misfortune. No one ever commented on anything I wrote . But now, spring has come . I will be the cherry and the spring will do things to me. It will make me happy.

Someone commented. Meghana. Thanks. Keep coming back.

Master of Minds

This is a beautiful topic. I would want to do full justice to it, but even if I cannot, there will be no love lost between us. Again, someday I will attempt to write this topic and wait to know If I have really done any justice to it.

I am listening to Postales from Namesake and I feel like dancing, singing, loving, laughing , and strangely so, evaporating in thin air. What a feeling!

How many of you like to dream ? Day- dream? I love day-dreaming. Day- dreaming is for two kinds of people. They comprise this universe. The one who turns those dreams into reality and the one who doesn't. I can safely say that I belong in both and more so in the latter. Its contrary and its saddening. I am sure If my father reads this post and my acceptance of not being able to belong to the dream turned into reality category, he would be upset. But I seem to harbour no ill feelings towards myself, which is very surprising , considering I am quite self-critical.

You know, I am feeling very happy lately, so I am going to write on something that makes me feel even happier. Master of minds is a simple topic, my attempt to decipher how much I love my mind. Slightly ambitious , but this is also my attempt to make people fall in love with their minds. I know, very ambitious. And, I'd love to know If you have fallen in love with your mind after reading this, or love your mind more or less.

Its been with me for such a long time. Its my witness to everything I have done, I have seen. It stays with me , It wants me. It grows on me, it grows with me. It tells me , It talks to me, It laughs at me , with me, it cries for me and it loves me. It demands no attention, no love, no money, no time, no nothing.No credit cards, no phone bills, no take me shopping pleas, no I don't like your mother and no I need my personal space. Wow! My mind is definitely not a woman. Having said that I also know that its not a man. It is not chivalrous, sometimes it hides beneath the dark corridors of my heart and refuses to let me in or come out. Sometimes it is too scared of my brain. Its love doesn't make my heart melt, its touch doesn't drive me wild. Its not a man.

It is an it. It is a space. Its , I think its a tree. My mind is a tree so we shall call it mind tree. And its not subroto bagchi, but me who is popularizing it here.

The mind to a child
I can dream. I can fly. I can make the whole world mine. I can aspire , I can inspire. I cant locate where it is though.

The mind to me
I have been the happiest in my mind. I have fallen in love in my mind. I have made love in my mind. I have bathed myself in gorgeous blue - green water, looked at the moonlit sky and have felt my beauty in my mind. I have won over you, I have fought with you in my mind. I have gone red in my mind. I have apologised in my mind. When away, I have been thinking of you, falling for you in my mind. I have been talking to you in my mind. When sad, I have been crying to you in my mind. I have been a mother in my mind. I have been a lover in my mind. I have played many roles in my mind. So much have I done in my mind that I think I am quite a success.In my mind. I am powerful, leader-like, superb, beautiful, flawless, awe-inspiring and so much more. In my mind.

I am in my mind so much so that I feel my mind deserves the most beautiful place in my body. Very close to my heart. For sure. Very close to my breast. Sometimes, as a woman you tend to think from multiple locations. Hence.

No, Its not been a great attempt but I am excited thinking of the next time I get to write this topic all over again.

Salla Vegetarian

What is it? I want to write so much on this topic , I don't know what to say. Too many thoughts make for a complicated post :(

I was watching Animal Planet. In 'We-don't-have-food-to-eat-but-we-are-always-on-TV-land', the Cheetah , Dear and Wild beast share the same room. The Cheetah is the non-vegetarian here and I really like him . Please, this has nothing to do with me being a non-veg lover. I watch TV without any bias. I am not at all prejudiced. I am a fair human being . (Guess what , I am the fair sex as well .. )

What is the use of being born as a vegetarian in animal kingdom? Please tell me. The dear is good-looking , agreed, makes for good photos, eats the grass that god made. And? That's it. That's all there is to its life. Sooner or later it becomes prey to the cheetah, lion etc etc. Now my irritation with almost all vegetarian animals is this that they are super dumb.

Imagine Situation I:

The Indian barasingha is grazing. There are two barasinghas grazing now. All of a sudden a cheetah comes from behind, betraying all possible signs of warning and tries to attack the barasingha. Peeps, lets not forget that the name is 'barasingha' meaning twelve -horned! Now , If you and I had twelve horns, what all could we have done. For starters, We would all have longer mirrors at home. We will all be Horney, Oh so horney, Literally. The Indian government will think twice before asking people to wear helmets. We can add Horn polisher to our list of hair accessories. Paris Hilton will design a new range of horn stickers that you can stick to your horns and make them look, well, different , from the other horns. Mahesh Bhatt will want to grow his horn downwards from his head so that he can put it to multi-use , scratching becomes easier , you know. Yes, so on and so forth, shouldn't let my imagination take its toll on you. Kya aap dil ke mareez hain? Kripya karke mere blog par na aayein. Aapke heart beat tez hone ka karan mein ho sakhthi hoon, per mera yeh bichara blog nahi!

Ya, now that you are convinced that we can really put the horns to good use apart from self-defense of course, we will get back to what the barasingha does. It runs. Yes , It runs, when it sees the cheetah chasing him. It can't run as fast as the cheetah you know. But, it can surely defend itself with those beautiful horns. But will he use his brains to do that? No! They use their kickass horns to fight among themselves. How cool is that? and why do they fight? To win the female's attention! If they could use this same god-given horns to save their life , nobody, not even a cruel person like me would call them dumb! Yes , there have been times when they have given it back to the enemy, but they are so few!

Wild beast any day wins the 'Hey-you-can't-ever-be-dumber-than-me' award. They travel in packs. They are so many in numbers. Whatever happened to the 'united we stand, divided we fall' thingy? You can rummage right through this thick pack of wild beasts , find yourself your fav one, attack him , have him for lunch. Yes, no resistance from any other wild beasts , they are all busy playing 'who reaches the river bank first' to pay heed to such trivial incidents.

If my thinking is wrong or incomplete,tell me please. I have begun to hate these stupid vegetarian animals!

Confessions of a liftman

I love this topic! I have always wanted to write on something as interesting as this. Although I don't know how I am going to take this ahead, but I feel very good about this topic.

Lets bring some discipline in to this entry. We will categorically attack all the lift men and squeeze their stories out using cctv cameras.

Confessions of a Government Office building lift man:
I have been working here for a long time. Of course I got this job as soon as my father, the erstwhile liftman for the past 23 years decided to have excess of taadi and fall sick. He had been drinking while on duty for a long time and was proud that for 23 years no babu raised an eyebrow against him. Some in fact were friendly enough to share a peg or two from the Rajnigandha taadi that my dad specially bought from Marol. This perennial supply of taadi kept my dad drunk and happy. I was bad at studies and my dad being uber cool never pressurised me to study hard or make anything out of my life. He , obviously guaranteed me a job at his workplace. He told me he had his own cabin, that went up and down with the speed of a super fast Dombivili train. That his cabin had a small fan just for himself was an even bigger achievement. He said that a lot of people came to see him everyday and so revered was his position in the babu office that no one, absolutely no one met any babu without first meeting my father. Now how cool is that?

The only complain he ever had was that they didn't provide him a cushion chair or stool at his workplace. This complain didn't merit much attention as the babu office, full of nice men forever stealing something or the other from their office stationery etc gave my dad an old cushion in return for a few sips of the famous taadi while in the lift, that had more holes for ventilation than anything else. But he was happy. He was a man of few needs , I must say.

After he left for his sickly abode, I have taken over the reins. They respect me a lot and have also offered me a post in the new lift that covers all the floors !!! And guess what, I, unlike my drunk father do not have to pass my time sitting on a ventilated cushion , but am being given a cushion chair with a AC in my own cabin, which by the way, runs like a rajdhani. Dombivili fast is passe'. The only thing I miss a lot is the creaking wooden open door that has been replaced with a stainless steel looking material. The creaky wooden door had side openings from where I could occasionally spit the tobacco I always had, and the brown color of the door camouflaged any mucous or ear wax that I would stick to it after accidentally digging them out in times of frustration.

But all said and done I am very happy with my life. I am sure that my son who hasn't shown any aptitude in anything remotely useful will make good use of his father's position and will take the family name ahead in this tradition. Btw, his name is Roshan.


Confessions of a 30 floor sky scraper's liftman

I am from Ghaziabad and have been a bachelor for as long as I remember. At times , I used to feel very lonely, knowing fully that all my brothers, madhur, giridhar and shyam had married and were highly active on bed with their tigress wives. I also wanted a tigress for myself. Just the thought of mating sent shivers down to you know where.I unlike all my three brothers would have been more economical in giving birth to my tiger cubs, considering life is not easy in Delhi. But all I have is a cow. No no chee chee... not for mating. The cow is my mother's gift to me as I her first born was without a tigress. She felt bad and gave me her cow, which at least gave me milk at regular intervals. But even she is old.

This feeling of being dejected I felt till last month , in my old job as a lift man for a dull 7 floor building. But my new job here at the 30 storey sky scraper has made me young. I feel O la la!
Here there are lots of colourful things to see. Mrs. Mehrotra's daughter Tina (very pretty , very pretty, not a tigress though) has an affair with Mr. Khanna's son Puneet. They do lots of things in the lift when there is no one but me. I feel quite hard down there. Nice feeling .The other day I almost heard a gasp when Puneet (naughty boy) put his hand inside Tina's shirt. Tina was very embarrassed due to my presence but that didn't stop her from putting her hand inside Puneet's pants. My god. Tiger and tigress in the making.

Mrs. Bhalla is hot. She is the most beautiful thing on that 30 storey building. My fingers itch to run my hand through her lovely, dark , long jet black hair. My hands are ever ready to pounce on those juicy Langras that are big, round and so full. Her buttocks are mashallah! Even a simple saree that looks bland on Mrs. Sharma and Ms. Kumar looks like hot property on Mrs. Bhalla. Every now and then she will drop something from her heavy hand bag and more often that not her self-pride will never let her ask me, a liftman , to do the needful. Ever so enterprising, Mrs. Bhalla will herself bend down to take that thing. And mind you when she bends, she makes a lot of things straight. Real straight. Uff... She is too much for me. I have already sung duets with her in my dreams.

The only foul smelling creature is this one Mr. Gupta who is busy farting in the lift. What the hell does he think of himself? Every now and then the lift stinks. I hate him but I love Mrs. Bhalla too much to complain. Oh, Did I tell you Mrs. Bhalla and Mr. Gupta are having an affair? Nothing doing in the lift, mind you. They have elaborate plans at each other's houses. How would their love making be? Every orgasm will be reciprocated by a long fart that has been kept in the box for a long time.

Hmm... aur kya?


Enough. I have given you enough information about these liftmen. Next episode will continue as soon as we grab hold of some more on our cctv camera. Tab tak ke liye dekhte rahiye kal tak !

Confessions of a lift man

The Eunuch Theory

This is very strange huh.. I mean , probably I am the only one one who thinks this way but it's worth a thought. You may have guessed it till now that this post has got something to do with eunuchs. You are correct. Congrats. Aapko milte hain dus hazaar roopiye...

No , I am not writing on one of India's largest minorities, not on their rights and wrongs , not on Celina Jaitley, not about their irritating habits. I am writing on an observation. I'd be lying if I say this is my recent observation. I have observed this phenomenon right since my childhood, right since I was old enough to understand that, quote unquote my mom, 'they are not us' . But well I blog NOW. So I am writing now.

Thrice I have interacted with a eunuch.

Instance One: I was 9. Travelling in the Jayantijayanta to where else. The eunuch comes, shaking her not so slender waist and creating a wave of sorts in the train compartment. You know men behave very oddly when they spot a eunuch. There are three types of behaviour. Someday I'd love to study this properly.

Macho Man1: This guy is the cheapest of all the three varieties. He flirts with a eunuch. Can you beat that? The eunuch touches every other guy and toddler she spots. But this guy is impossible. He takes this touching business a level ahead and gives it back to the eunuch. A taste of her own technique. They interact , chat and gossip with the eunuchs. I don't know If they are also eunuchs in disguise but all seems well between the eunuch and this guy. She winks at him asking for money. He winks back and says 'nahi deta jaa, kya karlegi' . This is good invitation. She sits next to him [Funny but there's always space enough in the train seat to accomodate a eunuch. Ha] The coy eunuch [attempted gesture] sways her manly hands painted with blood red beauty, misses his cheek but emotion conveyed. Then we play the 'lets-see-who- gives-in-first' game. Cheap guy . Cheap tricks. Eunuch. Oh, so eunuch. This goes about for some time till either a] the cheap guy's mother , wife complains that he is wasting time and he should rather spend it taking care of munna who is pee-happy on her lap. b] the eunuch gets bored fully understanding that the cheap guy is just passing time and has no intentions of taking this flirt game ahead or paying her anything. And that is how cheap macho man1 reacts.

Macho Man 2: He is so shy, my god. Bachao iss aadmi ko , koi. The moment he sees the eunuch , he fidgets, he forgets, he wants to pee, he wants to drive shyam and chintu to the top seat and radha his wife better get herself busy with staring out of the window or snoozing off etc etc. This guy is quite a nerd. He might act all coy if the eunuch takes interest in him. Secretly he likes this attention and well, he may never confirm to it. But he doesn't want anyone to know that he likes it. The eunuch likes this guy. He gives in when you ask him money, you know. He is not much of a trouble, likes attention , will give money, look at her[the eunuch] in shy awe and will not waste her time unnecessarily like that cheap flirt. But , macho man 2 is also the one who is religious, thinks he can rinse off all his sins by taking bath in the ganga, won't cross a road if he sees the cat crossing his way, and will consider giving money to the eunuch a good habit that he saw his father, granduncle [whom he liked a lot , by the way] doing it and will also except Shyam and Chintu to follow. He is also the one who thinks the eunuch's blessings will go a long way in making his son a big man, getting him admission in engineering colleges and then finally in having a baby -SON who will take the family's progeny ahead. This is our Macho man 2.

Macho Man 3: Salla smarty. I like this guy man, I like him a lot. He doesn't care a fuck about the eunuch. He is way too obsessed with his life , consumed in its poisons to look the other way and care about a blessing or curse. Hehe.. This guy irks the eunuch coz he hardly seems to react to her gestures , moves , etc etc. He is also the guy who is almost always on a bike, wears glares and well he is quite a catch. The eunuch wants to like this guy. If in the train , this guy is as usual busy and wont pay heed to the eunuch's call. He is also the ONLY guy the eunuch gives up on. That's Macho man 3 and thank you so much for all those best wishes. I know I am really good at this.

Now coming back to the main topic, shit I almost reached Italy. Sorry for all this unnecessary descriptions in between.

My one of many observations on eunuch is this that they don't trouble woman who are reading or have any piece of literature in their hands. Well , if you already know this I am sorry for wasting so much time. I was never scared of eunuchs but I couldn't digest their presence. Why should I give you money? For fear of being cursed by you? How do I even know that you are the real incarnation of the ardhanarishwar bestowing in you powers of both a man and woman? How do I believe that the world will come to an end if you decide that it should? I don't know any of this. If someone can help me understand this I will be really happy. I respect them as a fellow human being but I refuse to take it ahead from there. No one can force me to do this , not even a curse. The day I do really get the logic , then probably I would write on Macho woman 1,2, and 3 and more.

I saw almost all women in the train giving her money. But I didn't .

During one of my train journeys, I was casually reading the newspaper, I heard the familiar clap. But me being me, hardly flinched. I continued reading or rather staring into the newspaper. She came close to me, asked every body in the train to give money, clapped thrice, touched the girl's head sitting next to me but she didn't even notice me. The first time this happened I was with my mom in the train , my mom did give her money and I dismissed her not noticing me as an one - off thing. After that several incidents and several years have passed and every time I have spotted a eunuch coming towards me I have used this technique. There have been days when I didn't have any paper in my hand , but I would have a pen and would casually pretend like I was scribbling something in my hand or wave it in the air pointedly looking at something. This has worked. Of course now I have crossed that age to be fascinated with this and have become more or less like macho man 3 but this observation is a very big part of me. It instilled in me that I don't have to fear or convince myself of anyones's power to bow down to him/her.

Its a nice feeling you know. Everyone gives money to the eunuch , I don't..

P.S: This is a very excited entry. I am sure you must have guessed it .